Chayei Sarah: Why Avraham’s Real Challenge Was Losing Sarah

By Mordy Blau

When looking through the past couple of parshiot, I noticed something very interesting. Whenever Avraham is going on his journey to a new location, the Torah emphasizes that he went with Sarah, his wife. We see this first at the end of Lech Lecha when Avraham leaves for Ur Kasdim. Terach took Avraham, Lot, and Sarah—אשת אברם.

וַיִּקַּ֨ח תֶּ֜רַח אֶת־אַבְרָ֣ם בְּנ֗וֹ וְאֶת־ל֤וֹט בֶּן־הָרָן֙ בֶּן־בְּנ֔וֹ וְאֵת֙ שָׂרַ֣י כַּלָּת֔וֹ אֵ֖שֶׁת אַבְרָ֣ם בְּנ֑וֹ וַיֵּצְא֨וּ אִתָּ֜ם מֵא֣וּר כַּשְׂדִּ֗ים לָלֶ֙כֶת֙ אַ֣רְצָה כְּנַ֔עַן וַיָּבֹ֥אוּ עַד־חָרָ֖ן וַיֵּ֥שְׁבוּ שָֽׁם (בראשית י"א: ל"א)

Then again, when Avraham leaves Charan, the Torah emphasizes that he went with Sarah, his wife—אשתו.

וַיִּקַּ֣ח אַבְרָם֩ אֶת־שָׂרַ֨י אִשְׁתּ֜וֹ וְאֶת־ל֣וֹט בֶּן־אָחִ֗יו וְאֶת־כּל־רְכוּשָׁם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר רָכָ֔שׁוּ וְאֶת־הַנֶּ֖פֶשׁ אֲשֶׁר־עָשׂ֣וּ בְחָרָ֑ן וַיֵּצְא֗וּ לָלֶ֙כֶת֙ אַ֣רְצָה כְּנַ֔עַן וַיָּבֹ֖אוּ אַ֥רְצָה כְּנָֽעַן׃ (בראשית י"ב: ה')

Then a third time, when Avraham is leaving Egypt, the Torah says that Avraham went, “him and his wife.”

וַיַּ֩עַל֩ אַבְרָ֨ם מִמִּצְרַ֜יִם ה֠וּא וְאִשְׁתּ֧וֹ וְכל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֛וֹ וְל֥וֹט עִמּ֖וֹ הַנֶּֽגְבָּה (בראשית י"ג: א')

Three times, the Torah reminds us that Avraham is going with Sarah, his wife; but why is this necessary? We know that Avraham is married to Sarah, so why would they not simply be together? Moreover, once the Torah tells us they are married, why does it repeat that Sarah was Avraham’s wife?

In order to answer this question, we must ask another. The Mishnah in Pirkei Avot, chapter 5, mishna 3 says that Avraham went through ten tests and passed them all:

עֲשָׂרָה נִסְיוֹנוֹת נִתְנַסָּה אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם וְעָמַד בְּכֻלָּם, לְהוֹדִיעַ כַּמָּה חִבָּתוֹ שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם:

The mepharshim all speak about what the ten tests of Avraham were. The tenth test is almost universally agreed to be the Akeidat Yitzchak—almost sacrificing his son. Hashem says that Avraham’s legacy will continue through Yitzchak—and then He tells him to kill him! Moreover, he just sent his other son, Ishmael, away. So it would therefore make sense to say that this is the hardest test. The Gra, Rambam, Bartenurah, Rashi all say that this was the final and hardest test.

However, there is one commentary that says this was not the 10th test. Rabbenu Yonah says that the Akeidah was actually only the ninth test, and that the tenth was in this week’s parsha—burying Sarah:

העשירי קבורת שרה. שנאמר לו קום התהלך בארץ לארכה ולרחבה כי לך אתננה. וכשמתה אשתו לא מצא מקום לקברה עד שקנאו ולא הרהר:

This was Avraham’s test? Burying Sarah? He almost sacrificed his son! How could burying Sarah be his hardest test? I think the answer is: without Sarah by his side, Avraham couldn’t be the same person. Having Sarah in his life allowed him to make the difficult moves from place to place because she was always there.

The Torah tells us that Avraham and Sarah left “the lives they effected in Charan,”

"וְאֶת־הַנֶּ֖פֶשׁ אֲשֶׁר־עָשׂ֣וּ בְחָרָ֑ן" (בראשית י"ב: ה')

Why is עשו plural? Rashi explains that Avraham and Sarah were both involved in the process—they were a team. Therefore, Rabbenu Yonah said: the hardest test in Avraham’s life was doing something without Sarah. That is why the Torah emphasized three times that before they moved, Sarah was by Avraham’s side.

This idea of Sarah being by Avraham’s side can also explain a line that has bothered for years. When Avraham is scared that Sarah is going to be taken by Pharoah because of her beauty, he says, “please say that you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, וְחָיְתָ֥ה נַפְשִׁ֖י בִּגְלָלֵֽךְ, I may remain alive for you.

What does this last line mean? It's the same idea: that Avraham will be alive because of Sarah. I think we can say that Avraham is telling Sarah: “I am nothing without you. I can’t live my life if you are not here. My life is lived for you.

· אִמְרִי־נָ֖א אֲחֹ֣תִי אָ֑תְּ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יִֽיטַב־לִ֣י בַעֲבוּרֵ֔ךְ וְחָיְתָ֥ה נַפְשִׁ֖י בִּגְלָלֵֽךְ (בראשית י"ב: י"ג)

The world can sometimes be a difficult and scary place, and it’s easy to lose faith in ourselves when times get tough. But when you have someone in your life who is so special—and who will always be at your side through the easy times and the hard times—you can accomplish anything.

This Shabbos, we should take time to appreciate those around us—those who support us, those who are there for us; and, if we are honest with ourselves, those who were in our lives and were always there for us but have been forgotten. Think about our chevra in yeshiva and how being together forced us to push ourselves to the limit in yeshiva. Are we still connected? Do we still feel like we can be there for each other?

Hopefully, through some self-reflection, we can appreciate the relationships we have and use their belief in us to accomplish what we didn’t believe we could ourselves. Good Shabbos!