Vayigash: Mentchlike Mussar

By Judah Graber 

When Yosef reveals himself to his brothers the pausk says:

“וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יוֹסֵ֤ף אֶל־אֶחָיו֙ אֲנִ֣י יוֹסֵ֔ף הַע֥וֹד אָבִ֖י חָ֑י וְלֹֽא־יָכְל֤וּ אֶחָיו֙ לַעֲנ֣וֹת אֹת֔וֹ כִּ֥י נִבְהֲל֖וּ מִפָּנָֽיו”[1].

Immediately after, the next פסוק says

“ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יוֹסֵ֧ף אֶל־אֶחָ֛יו גְּשׁוּ־נָ֥א אֵלַ֖י וַיִּגָּ֑שׁוּ וַיֹּ֗אמֶר אֲנִי֙ יוֹסֵ֣ף אֲחִיכֶ֔ם אֲשֶׁר־מְכַרְתֶּ֥ם אֹתִ֖י מִצְרָֽיְמָה׃

This small section of the parsha is extremely puzzling.

1)    What does Yosef mean when he says “אֲנִ֣י יוֹסֵ֔ף הַע֥וֹד אָבִ֖י חָ֑י?” Of course Yosef knows Yaakov was still alive! Yehuda had just told  him that when pleading for Binyamin’s freedom!

2)     Why does Yosef say “my father- אָבִ֖י” instead of “our father”? He had just revealed himself to be their brother so our father would have been much more fitting.

3)     Finally “,why does Yosef originally just say “אֲנִ֣י יוֹסֵ֔ף”, but in the next pasuk say  “אֲנִי֙ יוֹסֵ֣ף אֲחִיכֶ֔ם אֲשֶׁר־מְכַרְתֶּ֥ם אֹתִ֖י מִצְרָֽיְמָה. Why is Yosef now adding “whom you sold down to Egypt” as opposed to the previous pasuk when this was left out?

The Kli Yakar gives multiple pshatim to answer some of these questions (kidarko). One of his explanations when explaining our first question of why was Yosef asking if his father was alive is that Yosef was giving major mussar to the brothers. He wasn’t asking a legitimate question of is Yaakov still alive. Rather he was saying how can it be that Yaakov was still alive over everything that you brothers put him though! That also answers our second question of why he referred to Yaakov as אָבִ֖י instead of “our father”... because Yosef was hinting to them that you, my brothers and fellow sons of Yaakov, were not acting like a son. Rav Taragin points out that this is the reason why the brothers were so flabbergasted that this ruler was really Yosef. It wasn't just stam shock; it was the ultimate reckoning. Yehuda was coming off of this whole long speech telling this “unsympathetic” ruler that he has to have rachmunus on their father… But Yosef turns it on them.

The medrash comments regarding the brother’s silence,  אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה- Woe is to us the yom hadin and woe is to us on the day of tochucha. Yosef needed to give them mussar, that much was clear. The question is though how does one give it and with that we will answer our third question on why Yosef originally says “I am Yosef” only to later add “I am Yosef whom you sold down to Mitzrayim: The Netziv beautifully answers this question: Yosef originally only said “I am Yosef” and not “the one you sold” because he figured the Egyptians would be listening in so he therefore said it bikitzur so the people listening would only think that he was kidnapped from his house and sold by the Ishmaelites alone, as opposed to the next pusuk Yosef says גְּשׁוּ־נָ֥א-come close to me. The Netziv and Sforno both comment there and say that he pulled them close so no one else should hear in order to not embarrass them. Yosef gives us a proper model of giving mussar. The Chizkuni in parshas vayera shows that we learn this middah of gentle and mindful mussar from Hashem. Mefarshim try to understand why Sarah was ridiculed for laughing over the fact that she and Avraham would be able to have a child while Avraham seemingly got a free pass. The Chizkuni answers that Avraham was also given mussar from Hashem, but it was indirect mussar. Hahsem waited to give the mussar to Avraham in a way that he wouldn't be so embarrassed. When Sarah laughed Hashem told Avraham He was upset that Sarah would laugh about such a thing and from that Avraham was able to deduce that he too fell short.

There can be times in our life where we feel like we were wronged and it would be instructive to let the person who wronged us know. The question is are we able to do it properly? Will we go out of our way to only rebuke out of a sense of love and relate to the other person how much we really care and by no means want to hurt or embarrass them? Will we follow the lesson taught to us by Yosef? May we think about this valuable lesson from Yosef hatzadik and from Hashem on this asara b'teves and coming shabbos where we only need more unity amongst our people. Good shabbos.

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