Why Does Avraham Have It So Tough?

Why does Avram have it so tough? As you read through Avram’s life, it seems like he just can’t catch a break. He leaves the comfort and security of his home to go to an unknown land. Soon after, a famine hits the land, forcing Avram and Sarai to go to Mitzrayim, where Sarai is nearly taken from him by Pharaoh. The journey continues with one trial after another: conflicts arise between Avram’s shepherds and Lot’s, prompting them to separate. Then a war breaks out between the kings of the region, and Avram goes into battle to rescue Lot. Later, Avram and Sarai face years of disappointment in their desire for children. When Avram has a child with Hagar, it leads to tension and rivalry with Sarai. Finally, Sarai gives birth to Yitzchak, but another conflict arises between Yitzchak and his half-brother Ishmael, leading to Ishmael’s expulsion.

So what's going on? Why does Avram encounter so much hardship? What is the lesson we are supposed to learn? 

The Rav suggests that the answer lies in the commandment of Brit Milah at the end of the Parsha. Avram is deeply committed to spreading Hashem’s message, but he learns that transforming the world isn’t easy. His initial attempts to influence the populous lands of Egypt and Canaan are met with resistance and challenges. 

Hashem’s directive to perform Brit Milah is significant—it represents a shift in focus. Instead of trying to change the entire world all at once, Hashem tells Avram to start with his family, nurturing them as carriers of Hashem’s values. The Brit Milah, a physical sign of distinction, represents Avraham’s family as uniquely dedicated to Hashem, even in a world with no other mitzvot or external markers.

The Rav points out that the Brit Milah sets Avraham’s family apart, giving them a unique identity that anchors them in faith. Through it, they develop a deep-rooted sense of who they are and how they are meant to bring holiness into the world. The process of change is slow and requires focus and patience, as illustrated by the conflict with Lot. Although Lot initially separates from Avraham, he ultimately absorbs values from Avraham’s example, such as hachnasat orchim, which becomes a defining trait in Sodom. Lot’s lineage even leads to Ruth, King David, and, ultimately, Mashiach. This shows that while change may not be immediate, it unfolds over generations.

This Parsha teaches us that significant impact doesn’t happen overnight. True transformation starts small, often beginning with ourselves. The Chafetz Chaim illustrated this idea powerfully in his own life. When asked how he made such a profound impact on the Jewish world, he explained, “I set out to change the world, but I failed. So I decided to influence the Jewish community in Poland, but again, I didn’t succeed. Then I focused on my hometown, but even there, I couldn’t change everyone. So I decided to work on my family, but even that was challenging. Finally, I committed to changing myself, and that’s how I ended up having an impact on the Jewish world.”

Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm expands on this idea with a concept of growth through challenge. He interprets Hashem’s command to Avraham of “לך לך”—translated as “go to yourself”—not simply as a directive to travel to a new land but as a call for Avraham to discover his own inner identity and potential. 

In other words, Hashem tells Avraham that this journey is meant to reveal his true spiritual self. Rabbi Lamm explains that these “descents” are essential for Avraham’s spiritual ascent, shaping him into the patriarch we know. Through his trials, Avraham expresses different facets of his character: as a man of peace, a devoted husband, and even a warrior. Rabbi Lamm suggests that such challenges are the “formula for growth,” teaching us that sometimes we must struggle and fall in order to rise. 

The journey of Avraham and the Chafetz Chaim’s insight both teach us that true influence comes from focusing inward, on personal and family growth. Avraham’s legacy and message ultimately reach the world, but it begins with establishing a strong foundation within his own family. For us, this is a reminder to be patient with the process of change, knowing that through consistent, meaningful steps—starting within ourselves and our families—we can make a lasting impact. By investing in our character and values, we set an example for those around us, allowing our positive influence to gradually ripple outward. This Parsha calls on us to trust that the “long game” is worth it and that every small step towards growth brings us closer to Hashem and our purpose.

Shabbat Shalom!